3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
