oh god the rape fog is back!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
