I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im part way to drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
