Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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