that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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