Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
