So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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