why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
