Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
