I smell stomach acid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
