The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
