Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
