And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
