I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
