Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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