Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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