Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
