I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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