What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
