being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
