My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
