Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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