you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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