Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i've created a new STD.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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