The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
