Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
