the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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