Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pooping to opera.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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