i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
