Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize