the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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