cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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