just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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