just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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