I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
