Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
