my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
