After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize