I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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