i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
