If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
