Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
