Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize