i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i'm inner monologue high
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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