i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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