I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize