he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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