...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
