What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
