I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
