Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
