there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
