Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
