what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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