She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
