Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
