i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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