My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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