You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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