i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
