a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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