I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
