That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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