margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
