matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize