Duck Duck Cougar?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
